Don't read this if you are going to give me some crappy advice I don't want or if you aim to judge me. Stuff it. You aren't me and you aren't living with Fibromyalgia (and if you are then you will know EXACTLY what I am talking about)so your opinion doesn't mean anything to me regarding my health. Most people (not all since there are a few of you lovelies that actually try to fight this battle with us)don't get the whole fibro deal, nor do they extend grace to those suffering from it.
I woke up exhausted. Nothing new at all. Spoke to my parents which turned into the commitment to shop for Mylie's Christmas presents. I abhor shopping absolutely. Unless it's a bookstore (especially a used one!). I am not even going to pretend I enjoy it. I loathe it actually. So for me to shop the day before Christmas Eve with Fibromyalgia to boot is a testament to how much I love Mylie. For real.
So I was fine. For once the lights and sounds weren't driving me bananas. I was in the motorized cart @ Target (favorite) and all was dandy until... the cart stopped. It just flat out died on us. So my Auntie grabbed a regular cart and I proceeded to shop that way. My body was not having it. Having another staph infection PLUS the kidney infection on top of the daily fibro whirl was too much. I braved it though. I walked, got the baby powder (two since Mylie had to have one too. LOL.) and cut the trip short. As I put the stuff on the conveyor I almost blacked out. I had to blink slowly a few times and sort of "regroup (I don't know how to adequately convey what it is like). I told my Auntie I was tired (major understatement) and it looked as though she might have rolled her eyes. Most people think it's something we can shake off.
It's not.
I'm so over being told "it's fine" or that I can do this or that. I am over being treated like I am crazy. People complain after A DAY (as in 1!) of being sick. Feeling like they have the flu, even simple colds... so I say to those who sniffle and whine and moan over 1 freaking day... try 365+ days and then tell me I am "fine."
This new staph boil hurts like crazy and it itches. It did not do this the first time and I had about 4 going on at that time. Oh bother. I started taking the doxy today and putting the cream on it again. I am so frazzled over every bump or bite I find on me or Mylie. She still has a random cough and her nose is filled with boogers that harden and dry everyday. I moisten the boogers everyday with a q-tip and then later have her blow her nose out. If I don't moisten she won't let me pick them out anymore. She's been to the doctor quite a few times recently. I'm not sure if the stress of everything is getting to her- shuttling back and forth, etc. Last week she vomited after coughing, and now it looks like she has little spots on her butt. I put the cream on it just in case but I'm not sure...
My nose is also insanely itchy. I don't know if it is allergies or what. I never had allergies until 2005 when they swept fierce. I was working at the time, had never had Benadryl and did not know at all how strong they are! Man, I kept falling asleep and the kids would shake me awake. It's such a strong over the counter medicine. Since fibro makes the body sensitive to everything (really really) I cannot take over the counter stuff at all anymore... except for Tylenol... so maybe "bennie" is okay...
So on the way home today the IBS cramps hit again (I don't recall if I wrote that I had to GO bad at the drive thru the other night. Haven't had it that bad in awhile). I went into the Starbucks and passed the crowd. I always feel so guilty using a one person restroom and taking a long time. I mean, what can ya do? I flushed about 5 times (seriously) and walked out a little embarrassed. I'm sure they heard every flush... lol.
Worrying about every single health thing is stressing me out! There are so many things online and Fibro symptoms intermingle with everything it seems! :( I've got kidney issues, dermatology issues, inflammation, IBS, and the list goes on and on...
When we got home earlier my roommate was still feeling ill from this morning. That makes 3 of us under this roof sick. He is now at the ER. A month ago he had his gallbladder out. Wow. What is going on? Are we all on this planet just going to get progressively worse until Jesus comes back?
Speaking of Jesus I explained Christmas to Mylie. It was nice. I'm not sure if she grasped it all but since she loves the Lord already I am not so worried. We planned to make a birthday cake for Jesus but I forgot to buy cake mix.
Fail.
Oh! Back to my roommate. So he's at the ER and his car also got stolen. Yup. I know.
Luckily he and A found it and the people who stole it took sunglasses and change and that's it. Weird but also rad they at least left the car.
I was scratching like mad around the boil thing and saying to A that I wish it would go away. Mylie looked at me with those sweet brown eyes and said, "I will scratch it for you Auntie Janet." I swear that she is the most loving child I know. She says all of these completely compassionate things that stir up such immense feelings of joy. <3
I am bloated more than ever.
I can make all the grand plans I want but I cannot determine my health. I feel resentful that this is what I am now. Weak. Frail. Constantly needing aid. Having a new staph blister reminds me that I am limited. It reminds me not to trick myself into a sense of normalcy. I AM SICK. Does this mean that out theory is correct? Do I have some kind of bacteria (or it this MRSA) inside causing me to feel so sick? Staph causes chest pains which I've been having again lately (though fibro does too). Obviously the doxy made the staph infection go away and I felt a smidge better fibrowise too. Now I feel horrendous and I have another boil after a week and 3 days off of the doxy. I really don't want to get another yeast infection from antibiotics but what else can I do? Is this going to be the cycle from now on?
Bonus: I made it through today and I am okay. Worse for the wear but functioning. ;) Barely.
