Flare

I had a very blessed, lovely day and the migraine has decided to play nice for the time being. Instead I get the triple exhaustion and too fogged to do anything really mode. ;) I am not certain which I would prefer, as they are both equally disturbing in their own way.
I got a hair cut. Wayyyyy shorter than I am used to, but it feels so much healthier and light weight.
Goodnight, my friends.
XoXo

Migraine

Lately my headaches have come back with a vengeance. It started on the trip, a pinprick and suddenly two, and now it is a fill on assault to the head. In particular the left side. Behind the eyeball, which is always a blast and it hurts so very much to comb my hair or even put my hair up in a bun or a pony. No fun for this woman. But alas! Tonight I remembered that my mom had bought me these patches and although it hadn't made it go away, it sure is helping. Oh! And as I type that I remember that my sister in law sent me some migraine meds awhile back. Score!

What's in My Bag!

They do it in Us Weekly and I thought it'd be fun!

(Picture has been removed)

I carry numerous pairs of earplugs, various lipglosses, a comb (not pictured), disability placard, toothbrush and toothpaste, Aquaphor, pictures of Mylie, planner, Fibromyalgia photos that explain the symptoms to give to people, lotion, a hair clip, wallet, house key, an old note card with a favorite verse, Kleenex, tweezers, pens, gum and a scrunchie. Yes, I still rock scrunchies. Lately my scalp has been taking a lot of the fibromyalgia beating and it hurts to touch, comb my tresses, or even wear my hair up. Major ouch.

Anyway, that's my fun purse info. ;)

I always bring with me in a separate bag: my Bible, journal, more pens, a bottle of water, my daily meds, and whatever book I am reading at the time.

Learning to Be Still

I have always been more of a Martha, and struggled to be a Mary. Today I am choosing to rest and let the to do list slide. This is not easy, not for anyone who is a type A but most especially for the one with fibromyalgia.

I choose today to marinate on the words of Psalm 23:1-3 God, my Shephard! I don't need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction.

I am marinating on the sweetness of those words and pondering about how dehydrated I have felt lately. Constantly thirsty and drinking water like a camel. More then usual, and not feeling quenched at all. I can say that for my spiritual state as well. I want to always be so thirsty for Jesus that I can never get enough. Dying for a drop.

So today I choose rest and replenishment.

The laundry can wait.

;)

Oh Yeah, I Have Fibromyalgia....

There is so much that could be said about my trip. It was a marvelous time with friends and family and especially with that sweet child that holds my heart.
Some highlights:
Spraining my bum ankle the day after I arrived.
Pain medication as a blessing which surely got me through the trip.
Ample time with my best little.
The cherry choking incident.
Eating foods only available there.
Friends and family.
Watching M's graduation from kindergarten.
Sleeping on the most comfortable bed with the most precious sheets ever.
Pretending to be dolphins with M.
Making amends.
Time with my lifer besties.
An unexpected overnight stay at the Hilton in Houston when we missed our connecting flight. They lost our bags too, with our meds, but they were returned.
M sobbing with her arm outstretched to me as she was carried away the night I left. Her words: "it's like our hearts are broken when we are apart and when we are together again we are complete."
M reading to me before bed!
Caring as ever, this sweetheart 5 year old made sure my sprained ankle was elevated and stood up for me like a mama bear when she thought my mom was laughing at me. "You're making fun of Auntie Janet because she has Fibromyalgia!"
The rudeness I experienced when sharing that I am disabled. One woman gave me an up and down dirty look on the plane and then gave me the biggest stink eye as I was being wheeled to baggage. Another woman at a flower shop snorted when I told her I am disabled and said, "yeah, you sure look like it." Sarcastic much? Yes, ignorance is alive. It's sad and makes me remember how much more I have to advocate for ALL invisible illnesses.
Making up songs and praying with Lits like we used to.
Being with my mom.
Not having ANY freak outs but for 1 Panic attack. Hooray!This is a HUGE victory!!!
God's favor evident the whole time, marked by our first flight where a child sat in the middle seat between me and my mom. Oh how Abba knows my heart! Me and the kid bonded over Transformers and gum. On the flight home we sat next to a nine year old boy flying alone to Mexico.
Feeling the crisp CA air and remembering where my roots are.
Bonding with Simmy. I love that girl.
Maddie and April Rose.
So much more!
I am beyond exhausted. In a way it was as if I took a "vacation" from Fibromyalgia. Oh, not really. It never goes away, but the joy of being with M and knowing it was going to go by in a flash mixed with adrenaline propelled me and I was more active then I had been in almost a year. Only for her though.
I even rode some rides at a mini carnival. Me and my best girl. Don't ask me how I did it because I could not tell you.
LOVE.
That was it. What pushed me forward when my bones grew weary and my insides begged to stop. My scalp hurt and stabbed and once I stopped moving it felt like my bones and muscles were all on absolute fire from the inside out, like a giant sunburn on the inside mixed with grinding bones and stabbing everywhere.
But I did it! And I am do thrilled and happy because life is NOT impossible and I kept my head. God, you are so good.
My heart is recovering. It is fragmented again, separated from M once more. Readjusting to this Fibromyalgia life is hard and I am feeling sucky about it. Trapped again. But I will face it and go forward. That is the only direction to go. My eyes sag and my body begs for rest. No more pretending to be a normal.
I am back to reality.
If you happen to peruse older posts and the photos do not show it is because I deleted them. A blog that I read regularly shared how someone stole her photos and made a fake Facebook profile with a different name but with the blogger, her baby girl and her husband's photos. Creeptastic.
Goodnight for now.

P.S. I was denied the appeal for SSI and Medicaid and now need to get a lawyer and appeal again. Please be praying. And I finally get to see a doctor or nurse or someone after almost a year without medical treatment! Hooray! It's a truck that comes by and provides services for those of us with no income. I need current thyroid tests and glucose, as well as a refill for heart medication and pain meds. PLEASE Abba!