Today finds me with the weight of fatigue cast over my body like a heavy cloak. I am not sure why I've been having such a difficult time lately. The only conclusion I can draw upon is that as the candida dies off the more sick I feel. I recall my doctors telling me this may happen as the different medications combat the candida, and kill it off. That means it is working!
I was without 2 medications for a good while as I waited for it to arrive from California and so my body started to bloat and turn against me in a major way. I woke up one morning with that rib crushing pain, and intense nausea. Yesterday I felt like I was on fire, though my skin was cool to the touch. There was a churning in my stomach, as if it were being ground into tiny pieces. It was horrendous. I felt light-headed and thought I would pass out a time or two, but I did not. Thank goodness!
Tonight my mom cooked my most favorite dinner (roast beef) and I have decided to check out another church in town. I have visited one since I moved here, and it was a lovely place. I immediately felt drawn to it and decided I would definitely pick there as my home church. Then I realized I was being impatient and not waiting on the Lord. So Aaron found out about another church when he went to social services. It has a main campus about 30 minutes from home which meets on Saturday evenings and Sunday mornings, and a sister campus about 15 minutes away which meets on Thursdays evenings. My mom also drove by another church which I may check out (if my body allows) this weekend. I don't feel like doing anything right now, but I am pushing myself just enough. It's important to get out occasionally (I go out maybe once a week, two if it is a good week- and only to the store or church). It does a lot mentally to maintain a sliver of normalcy, such as driving by myself (which I am able to do sometimes) or being out in the real world. I often feel quarantined and away from society. That is not necessarily a bad thing, especially since the internet enables friendships to begin and grow, and also boasts online sermons and an ample variety of worship music. Still, little "field trips" like tonight are freeing.
I am excited and at the same time I don't want to get my hopes too high. I am still sifting through what Abba is having me do through this season. I know I am called to "the wilderness" but I also know I run the risk of isolation and being even more available for the enemy to attack is I stay away from church altogether. So for now my decision is to be open-minded and to remain in prayer about all of the things stirring in my mind. When He calls me to a specific church I will know... just like I did in California. Certain peeves aside, I do miss my home church. I miss the atmosphere of Holy Spirit rain and the joy that was found just by sitting in surrender. I love worshiping almost more then anything else, and being surrounded by other believers singing, crying, laughing, and groaning with the power of the Holy Spirit is like a tiny glimpse into the heavenlies. I adore it.
Mylie has grown SO much since I saw her last on August 16, 2011. We talk frequently and skype when we can, but it is not enough. I miss her everyday, all the time. She's so precious.
Until next time!
