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Friday, March 4, 2011

Papa God,

You gave me this heart. You know how much I feel. You gave me these precious ones to love and care for, so I also need you to tell me when it's time to let go. Teach me, show me, guide me in your way always. Show me how to not hold on so tightly, to release them again and again to you. You made them just as you made me. Every tear they've logged, every dream, every aspect of each of their character is made by you. Let me rest in that. I am not their Savior, you are. Show me how to not let this love burden my soul. Show me how to pray for them without getting destroyed by my own emotion. You have given me strength and I ask you to unleash that in me when I feel so weak.
This is more then being sick, this is more then watching negligent people destroy innocent lives. This is life. This is the atmosphere here on earth. How to walk in it, live in it, and not get torn down... only because of your grace and mercy, Lord.
I feel like I want to throw in the towel. In the shower all I could repeat were the words "fight or flight." You have made me a fighter for your kingdom and so I implore you to equip me. Not with hatred or anger or bitterness, but let me have your heartbeat, Jesus. Let me be mindful of heaven and the plans you have outlined already.
Oh Papa, show yourself in all of these situations around me. You are here, you are there. There is nothing to fear, so why am I afraid? Why can I only cry and type meaningless words on this keyboard. Songs of your love floating from speakers and befalling on these ears. I am sad. I am lost inside of my own grief, and it's not even mine to grieve.
Help me Daddy God.
I am looking up, but it is not me I am worried for. It is the voiceless ones that break my heart to bits. How can I fix this?
I can't.
I can't.
But You can. You are. Show me your heart.

Janet Christine

Hello there! I invite you into the journey as I navigate Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome & all the other health issues that come with it. It has been a rocky 9 years, and through the process I have learned so much, and have connected with some truly wonderful people who are also going through their own battle with Fibromyalgia. It is my hope that in sharing my struggles & victories, that I might invite you into hope, precious reader. I know how crippling it is to get sick and not have any clue of how to start feeling better. Over time and LOTS of error, I am continually learning the balance of living with chronic illness- when to push and when to be still. A lot of it has been an uphill climb, but sometimes I'll stop and look around, and there is so much beauty discovered through the trial of sickness. It changes everything completely and forever. I now know that isn't a bad thing, but for a very long time it certainly felt that way. This is my story.I believe and adore authenticity, so this won't always be a peppy blog. I will be REAL. And in that, I invite you to know you are not alone. Please do visit anytime. Have a blessed day!