Happy fourth of July!


Last night proved to just get worse. The palpitations eventually subsided but by that time I was feeling grumpy and as we ran a couple of errands I felt the heaviness of fatigue and pain spread all over my body. I have a lot of "good" days now so when it hits extremely hard like last night and today it tends to make me feel even more agitated. It's like going backwards, but last night I uncovered something crucial to my acceptance. I still feel on some level that I can control this thing.

Isn't that entirely laughable? ;)

Of course I can "control" certain aspects such as taking my medication every day diet, exercise when the body allows, and managing my stress, but to remember... or to truly discover for perhaps the first time that I can do all of the "right" things and still end up in a flare meltdown is pretty freeing. I was feeling guilty last night for the fact that it hurt when I was touched or that I couldn't snuggle proper because it felt like my bones were being crushed. I cannot control fibromyalgia... not entirely. I can do all of the correct things but I may still run into days like today... where I cannot fathom walking, standing, or doing anything...

and that's a great thing to realize.