09/11/11
I was dying over there.
I stare at snapshots and those moments feel like they happened two seconds ago.
I see images that were my life and a lot has transpired between one month ago and now. I am fading and falling and finding and slipping all over the place. My heart in pieces- somewhere feathering out over the California sky.
Those months were the most brutal I have ever personally faced. I felt like it was always night in my insides... like my soul was all matted with gray and I couldn't even fathom how I was getting up everyday. I remember sensations of wanting to give more and not being able to. Not being able to even find the way back to myself.

09-12-11
My throat aches with remembering and fondness and sadness all mingled in one soft ball of clay. I miss her. The delicate way she tip toed as she walked, all fairy like and small. Her small fingers pressed into my back or my skin as she lay sleeping or needing comfort. I remember without the memory... the sounds of her voice first discovered, her tiny breaths as she slept bedside me. I remember picking flowers and playing tea party and making up songs, and it all feels so impossibly close and far away all together. I can't access it anymore, floating high above me are all of those moments strung together only by mere memory. I cannot capture it. I see her already grown in less then a month. Less then, and still it's the longest I've ever been apart from her. I'm pinned beneath the explosion of joy that sears throughout my being knowing she is okay, seeing her smile, hearing that sweet sound that is her voice. The world rightens and it is Christmas and my birthday and every single other day that hung on mundane and normal. I cherish these moments of absolute clarity... her tiny presence as natural to me as breathing, and even now through the miles she is still a part of me.