Last night was hard.
It started great, but near bedtime I got into an argument with someone very close to me. Words flew, stabbing and ripping like swords to the soul. I cried. Huge sobs. I was hurt, and I hurt someone else. Aren't fights just awful? You know while you are in it that you want out, but it's such a tight grip and that darn pride steps in, and you want to be soft and say sorry and just make it be pretty again, but the hurt is just too palpable and you stand there vulnerable. Needless to say, sleep did not come easy, and when I woke up my eyelids were puffy, and I had a headache. There was an ache my heart. Apologies had been said, but words are such daggers, and upon facing the day I still felt icky.
I showered, started the first load of laundry, and read some blogs. The flare settled on my bones and muscles and begged me to come close to the ground, but I knew I needed to get out.
I was grumpy as I led the car down to the neighborhood Krispy Kreme. One of those days where every single driver is that driver in front of you who insists on pressing the brake every five seconds. And when I walked into Krispy Kreme, what do you know, they were out of fresh, hot glazed. The very thing I was craving. The way it melts as soon as it hits the tongue. But the boxes that held the two dozen have Halloween decorations on them, and the donut I scarfed down was delicious, especially coupled with the ice cold bottled water I purchased. Isn't cold water one of the most delicious treats ever?!
As I drove home, my mood was lighter. I saw with clearer eyes... the lady walking with her teenage girls, the green tree that reached high. I listened.... as the radio played funky songs that resonated deep and brought me back to childhood and the circle of love I have carried my whole life. I felt refreshed. What a miracle that I was out at all! A few months ago if I was in a flare there is no way on earth I could be around other human beings, and yet there I was!
And tonight as the sun dips low in the sky, I will ride my bike and marvel at the air racing swiftly past, and when I return I will be warm and safe in a house with sturdy walls, and be thankful for one more day.
