This lump on my neck has been bugging me for weeks now. It comes and goes, varying in size. It feels like the knots that I associate with Fibromyalgia. The same kind we get in our wrists, or back, or legs, or wherever. Except this lump is stubborn and clings to the left side of my neck like it lives there, which I guess it kind of does. Slight massages (of the non-professional variety) work only a little, but it works better than nothing.
The heart palpitations made a comeback the other day. It'd been awhile, and suddenly here they were. It's amazing how much they feel like a heart attack or something (or so I would assume, never having had a heart attack)even though we know that it is not a heart attack.
And I had one of my nightmares this morning. It was a spiritually related dream like usual, and demonic activity was present. In the dream I usually start trying to say "Jesus!" and cannot talk. Then I wake up saying it, and feeling the fear from the nightmare. NO fun.
I feel like I just took a bath in someone else's poop. Isn't that the way of it? When we allow even just ONE toxic person into out lives, suddenly those carefully erected boundaries crash down... even when we try to keep them in place. It does not work. Once we have the boundary up, it needs to stay up, and those toxic people cannot be allowed to come in anymore... EVER. I have tried on many occasions to have relationships with toxic people in my world WITH boundaries in place, but I quickly learn again that toxic people DO NOT respect ANY boundaries and will come in uninvited, trample everything, and leave you to deal with the garbage they leave behind. We all need to have boundaries with such people, and for the one with Fibromyalgia it is that much more important. We are already so sensitive to everything, and emotions are no different.
So right now, I need to take a shower and soak in the presence of God for awhile to get my fresh air back.
No more toxicity.
