Oh yeah, I have Fibromyalgia.
The agony has manifested in full force today. Aside from the normal, daily fatigue and pain there is THE monster of it all, made aware by skin that feels bruised and twisted and ripped apart from the inside out. The heavy limbs, and squinty eyes from a head that feels clasped in huge hands squeezing entirely too tight. Last night I massaged my neck in vain for 3 hours hoping to push out that bothersome lump, and today my arms feel the burden of moving for so long, and my neck is not happy either. Please do not be confused... Fibromyalgia is NEVER a pain, fatigue free ride, but there is "normal" level, which to a healthy person would be horrendous (i.e. flu, aching muscles after exercising too much, a double shift at work, etc.)... that is our everyday "normal" and so our monster days are like being slammed by basketballs in every crevice, or being hit by a moving car... the kind of days where we just want to throw in the towel or lay down with absolutely no movement whatsoever. The days where we feel like we just may break under the strain of so much physical agony. Truly, it is a beast.
Still, I am trying to focus on the positives... I went walking once this week, and rode my bicycle for 4 days in a row. That's a huge accomplishment! In the last two and a half weeks I have been able to exercise more than I have in the last 3 years. I don't want to dismiss that even though I am feeling the hellish flare right now. In the shower I stood under that hot water, letting it hit my back, feeling like one giant bruise. OUCH!
I am hoping that if I lay low for these two days that my body will be up for the day trip to Wilmington on Wednesday. I am supremely looking forward to it, and feel frustration that my body decided that now is the time to collapse after all of my recent activity.
So on this lovely rainy day, I plan to put my feet up and watch these movies on the DVR, and try in vain to ignore the pulsing, throbbing agony that Fibromyalgia is dishing out.
Until next time,
Janet
