Fakers piss me off. I abhor lies in general, so that is half of my displeasure & I don't know if it can be adequately expressed but I shall try. It is like they claim the hardship of this illness without going through the trauma of it. They rob us of our grief and sorrow and anger by trivializing the whole blasted thing.
Because sickness is not some polite, tidy thing. It cannot be compartmentalized. It IS. We do the best we can but it still invades our laughter, our thoughts, our ability to function. Even the most positive of souls is affected.
This... These long stretches of SEVERE (not to be mistaken for the regular, daily pain and fatigue) exhaustion & crushing pain, are no joke. These days are maddening. It is if our very bones are weary and crying out for relief. Every sound is a slam to the system. So to have people out there who claim it, but still do everything they want ALL of the time, saying it is possible because they "won't let fibro get me down" is so dismissive of the fact that it is an actual illness.
It's partnering with those scoffers who think yoga or diet will heal or give us super powers.
It says that the doctors who mistreat us are justified, and that the "mind over matter" comments have merit. It says that we (the ACTUAL sufferers) are responsible for our illness. Responsible to educate ourselves about it? Yes. Responsible to eat properly for our unique digestive systems? Yes. Responsible for exercise when possible and doing what we can to have a functioning life despite the illness? Oh yes, yes, yes.
But responsible to cure ourselves with tai chi? To push past (For the record, we do this on the daily as we make small talk, sit at the dinner table, celebrate birthdays, take showers, do laundry... Ya know, LIFE.) our constantly overloaded, freaked out nervous system? No.
Responsible for being sick in the first place? Oh, NO! We did not ask for this. We do not want it. In fact, a daily plea is to wake up without it! This life sucking villain who never leaves our side.
Fibromyalgia is not some delicate, polite little disease. It's maddening. It's all encompassing. Sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. Throw in Chronic Fatigue & we've got ourselves a party. We must pick and choose. A trip to the movies sure is fun but it also collects huge afterward. Going to church? All those lights and motion and socializing and music? It's a Fibro nightmare. Best to watch online services.
Sure, some people with Fibro can work. A limited few. Sure, some do all the things they used to do. That's super for them, but the majority? Well, we are the ones who have tried in vain to "push past" sickness. The ones who have fought (or still fight) anger, depression, denial. We have bargained and pleaded with God. We have faced our ugliest, darkest selves and have batches of acceptance, only to cycle through the darkness again.
We try different medications. We rejoice with one another at the accomplishments... A book published, a trip taken, a successful pregnancy. We cry over each others losses. We protect one another, because we know in this world we are disbelieved, belittled, copied (as if sickness is glorifying!), mocked, written off. We face our inner demons and we cry out to the God who created our bodies and we ask why and we wish not to exist, just as we laugh, find joy in unexpected places, and love in ways we never thought we could. Through our pain comes the treasure of beauty from ashes.
Fibromyalgia is not in our heads. It is not something one can escape. It is not an illness that should be copied because it sounds good on paper.
That's the trouble. Anyone can claim this disease. It's freaking invisible!
But for those of us in the trenches, we can spot another sufferer plain as day, just as a Christ follower can step onto an elevator and know a fellow brother just by sight. This means we generally can spot the phonies... There's only so much that can be faked. The pain & reality of our condition makes itself known quite quickly in mixed company. The blanket list of aches and pains splayed all over the web or those annoying, insensitive, unrealistic Lyrica commercials does not even depict a fraction of the reality of Fibromyalgia. Truth. So, saying you are in pain will only last so long in the presence of a true sufferer. You can claim it, but if it's true, it's not really as invisible as the world thinks. Those who are with us every day know what I'm talking about. And let's not even get started on other sufferers who compete with one another as to who has it worse. It's all bad, friends! Let's join together, not try to win for who is the sickest! Good grief! As you can see, dear reader, I am not feeling so sunshine-y today. This must be said though & I make no apology.
To my friends alongside me in this battle: I applaud you! I pray your strength and dignity and color will abound and that I might have even a shred of your bravery and character. Thank you for being my teachers in this fight we endure. I am sincerely grateful for you.
And to those in my sphere who love me despite my illness, who can see beyond a tantrum or a bad day (or weeks), BLESS you. You have been most merciful and I adore you for loving me.
A million thank yous will never be enough.
Recently a friend shared some new information about Fibromyalgia on Facebook. It gives more weight to the fact that this is autoimmune. Take a peek:
http://www.fmnetnews.com/free-articles/article-samples/why-head-to-toe-pain
