I was texting with my friend who just found out today that she has chronic fatigue syndrome. It's a bit like fibro. As I was speaking with her the Lord was pouring more oil on me! It was amazing. By that I mean that the words He was giving me were also speaking to me. Through me and to me. Only He can do that. I get no credit for what He is doing in my life. He amazes me so completely. One day I am crying my eyes out, and the lights are off inside, and I feel so desolate and insecure and out of control with grief and panic and fear. Suddenly He comes in and peace washes over. I am left to wonder, would I feel that stillness, this light, His beauty ALL the time if I ALWAYS invited it in?
That's a startling question. Life is life. It's busy, distracting. I read my Bible everyday, I pray... but how many times am I halfheartedly involved? How much of the time is spent inviting the Holy Spirit in completely and trusting that He will show up?
Because we have a continual knowledge that He is with us. We pray, we know He is in control, but we still try to take over. We still try to do what we can to make Him be God. Whew. that's great stuff right there!
It's been BRUTAL lately. I'm talking tantrums, yucky behavior, sobbing, etc. and only today do I realize that I am NOT broken, I am being broken in. Wow.
Savor that with me.
I AM NOT BROKEN, I AM BEING BROKEN IN.
I feel guilty everyday for not being the old me. I feel bad for needing help. That's been a huge stronghold. Not allowing others to help me in the past, and over the years I've grown in that area. I've slowly let go... but this... this sickness is needy. It's all consuming. It forces me to be dependent on God. It forces me to ask for help from those in my family and circle of close friends. It forces me to change.
Here is a text sent to my friend that spoke to MY heart. I love how only God can do this! It's so absolutely amazing!
"The devil only messes with us if we are a threat. So press in (insert name here)and prepare to go through heck to become something even more glorious! And it may not bring comfort now but it has so ministered to my heart to know there are others out there. That it's not just online on blogs and news articles but someone I trust and love and respect is enduring a part of this too. You are helping me, (insert name here). Thank you. Even though you don't see it you are speaking straight to my heart. Abba is whispering to that darkness in my heart and it is fleeing because He is near! It's a bolt when He speaks. The low whisper that shakes the earth!"
I am so grateful for TRUTH today. I am so thankful that He uses all of His children to minister to one another. I am so grateful that the world, for today, is a little less dark, and a lot more light!
:)
