Dear Little Janet,
Someday you will be 32 years old.
You will love people with your entire heart, and sometimes the intensity of how much you love people will feel like it is breaking your heart in dozens of pieces. Keep loving anyway.
You will grow up so fast, and you will remember being a child and hearing your Auntie tell you to enjoy your childhood because it will be over before you know it. She will be right.
When you are 16 you will lose your Grandmother and it will change everything about you, but you will not know it. Instead you will drive home from the hospital after holding her hand as she took her last breath, and you will hug your stuffed Winnie the Pooh and cry as you listen to The Tide is High on repeat.
At 17 you will lose the child you carry in your womb, and you will not know how to deal with the grief. You will be too young, too naive. You will be hurt by someone and it will take you years to trust anyone again, but you will.
You will work hard at every job you have. You will make many friends and go through many trials. At 21 years old you will go to a church and the God you have believed in all of your life will become more then an invisible person in the sky when you meet Jesus. You will fall in love with Him and it will transform your entire life.
You will grow cancer cells in your cervix when you are 25 and you will wonder when you will bear children, when you will meet your husband, but God has other plans and He will bring a series of amazing, delightful children into your life. He will let you taste the sweetness of being a mama as you sing and play and teach and adore these kids. They will become your whole world and you will start to appreciate your own mom and all she did for you growing up. You will rock a baby to sleep and pray for these little souls as if they truly are yours because to you there is no distinction. God will entrust them to you for years and you will honor that commitment even when people tell you to get a real job or wonder why you don't work an 8-5. You will barely make any money but God will always provide. Always trust Him. You will get stressed out, but then God will change a life around you and remind you that your life is His. Keep going. You will be a life-changer even when you feel like you are not.
God will bring you to the Philippines and your heart will be forever wrecked for that country. You will feel more at home there than you ever have in America and you will sob like a baby when you have to come home. You will make immediate plans to return there, but life throws you a twist. Instead you will get sick.... very sick. At first it will be very dark and confusing and the most frustrating thing you will have experienced up to that point. You will get very, very tired and want to give up. Please don't give up.
In the midst of this illness you will lose your car, your job, your friends, your identity. Someone you trust will betray you, and you will encounter deaths of loved ones and many obstacles and extreme stress. You will have to leave the child you have raised for 5 years to move across the country and it will be the hardest thing you can ever think of doing. The child will tell you every day that she wants you to stay, that she feels safest with you, that you are her mommy. Her tiny palm will grip yours and you will feel like it will be impossible to ever be away from her. Your heart will shatter. You must move anyway. God will be telling you to and you must always trust Him above yourself.
You will move across the country with your best friend and it will be an adventure. Always be open to adventure.
Many times you will sit and sing to Jesus and your entire being will be so full of Him and all that He has blessed you with. Focus on those blessings when the sickness gets too overwhelming. You will start to write more frequently again and you will fall in love with nature over and over. You will want to capture every moment on film but that is impossible. Store those delights in your heart. Remember your friends, your family, all of the people and places and things that you have been privileged to have in your life. Honor your father and mother. Make the effort to stay connected to your childhood best friends because the older you get the more you will realize how valuable they really are. Love people more than you love yourself. Give your life away, and never regret.
Dear child, be confident in who you are. Smile with your whole face, and laugh as often as you can. All of those insecurities you have growing up will go away after you turn 30. It seems like a very long time, but it happens in a heartbeat. And no matter what you go through or who lets you down, don't ever give up hope.
You are strong. You will get through all of those things that will try to tear you down and apart. Stand firm, let go, believe, trust, soar. You are loved.
