Sometimes the presence of Jesus is so sweet that it feels as though one earthly body cannot hold it all in. I suppose that is the point. It's not meant to be held in, but rather to pour so richly in us that we cannot help but spill out. Not us, but Him.
It makes me so ecstatically overwhelmed.
Grace. Kindness. Joy.
Not Janet, but JESUS.
Doesn't that sound beautiful rolling off the tongue?
Jesus.
Today I got up after these last few days of that kind of pain in my hip/back/leg that begs to be ripped from my body, with the purpose of going somewhere. Nowhere fancy, just the library or to look for Snapple at a gas station. Sometimes with Fibro (okay, honestly, ALL the time) these simple outings are extravaganzas. Like having an off campus day from a hospital of let out of the cage of a prison cell. Except my prison comes with me wherever I go, the boundary line just moves around. I took a shower
(I am so in love with hot showers lately. It's my crush. It soothes this pain filled body so good.) and decided to get out into the sunshine.
In the car I put on my current favorite worship album and felt the deliciousness of the day come over me. I sang to Jesus and smiled goofy to myself, thinking deeply about how truly wonderful He is. How generous and marvelous and sweet. He is REALLY the sweetest. No one knows how to woo like Jesus does.
My first stop was to the local thrift shop. I love to peruse the collection of books and usually find some treasures for my own library. There wasn't really anything I wanted until I got to the last row. That was when I spotted it... Could it be? The very same book I had heard about a month ago? The one I desperately wanted to order but could not afford? The one the library here does not carry so I had to put it on hold in CA for my Auntie to pick up and ship to me?
Yes, yes it was!
This is not a common book. The chances of the thrift store carrying it was slim to none, and yet there it was!
I carried my new treasure to the check out and paid $1.
I smile now as I type this. Once more I am reminded of how much God is in the details. He didn't have to put that book there, but He did. His romance for me today was in the brilliant blue sunshine of the big, big sky and a beautiful book I was aching to read. It was in the basket of library books and the magazines I got to leaf through, in the random guy who told me I am pretty, and in the strawberry lemonade I guzzled cold.
Some days the hurting is far more then physical. Endless pain and fatigue starts to cloud the soul, until it clogs. It gets dark and nothing seems enjoyable. It's all one can do to keep going. So when the beauty starts to tug hard at my heels, begging "see me!" I am hungry for more. Instantly amazed at what I am missing when my eyes are downcast. Those bleak days make these shiny ones so much more cherished. It restores HOPE. And that hope fuels me through the cloudy days when they slam into me again, leaving me breathless and overwhelmed.
His love, it IS extravagant. Wildly so.
The pain is still here. Surely my heating pad will be pressed against my hip and thigh in a matter of minutes, but my soul... My soul it soars and sings and rests all at once. I am loved by God. I am dazzled by God. I am lost in love and wanting more still.
Thank you for today, my Jesus.
Thank you for every day.
